I have been wanting and needing a push in my physical fitness routine. Yet, while I share that I have that desire I do not like to give my all in anything… because giving your all usually means it will hurt, it will stretch you, it will change you, and can bring you to tears.
I would much prefer to stay the same. Be stagnant. Not grow. Just being honest.
Yet, not challenging myself in any area that I desire to see growth … will not bring upon change. I will not lift heavier. I will not run faster. I will not lose weight. I will not have a closer relationship with my husband, children, friends or God. Change has to happen in order for growth to happen.
I can use the excuse that I don’t have the ability to be {insert goal that scares me and I don’t want to be challenged by}. I am the queen of excuses. Trust me. If I am being honest, I (you) need to know that it is not our abilities that define us… but our choices.
Do we choose to push on when it hurts? Or do we choose to quit?
Today, I struggled. I wanted to be strong. I wanted to be bad @$$, but I let the fear of the unknown win. Fear of failure. Fear of not measuring up. Fear won.
I want to be strong.
This morning, I met a handful of girlfriends at the gym to find what our max squat lift would be. We all had varying ability and strength levels. It was fun and lighthearted. No pressure. No competition.
Then it was my turn.
Pride and fear happened.
I became overwhelmed with fear of not measuring up with my own expectations. I felt that I should be able to lift a certain weight… all the while my mental struggle of impressing my friends. Who could care less about my numbers.
Fear blocked me from moving forward and challenging myself… I was challenged by lifting with a different squat form (that I was not comfortable with… but it was a good change… just new to me). It was new. It was awkward. It was different. It challenged me.
Today’s strong wasn’t only PHYSICALLY challenging for me… But more MENTALLY.
Mentally I shut down.
Emotionally I broke down. Tears.
Frustrated. Embarrassed. Angry at myself.
When the majority of the group left, with tears in my eyes I confided in my friend and asked for a do over. I am thankful that in life (most of the time) we can try again.
BE STRONG
I tried again and overcame my mental obstacle of failing…. I pushed through and found my one rep squat max of 145lbs.
I need to work on form and core strength AND MENTAL STRENGTH because I know my legs had more strength to lift. Being strong physically is only one part of the equation… mentally, emotionally and spiritually all fit in too.
“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9
I am working on finding and being STRONG. I am working on not being fearful.
“Be strong and courageous. DO not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6
I am working on not letting my mental fear get in the way of challenging myself, so that I can grow and change. The brain is a powerful thing… I need to channel and use it for good… not to hold me back.
I tried something last week that just looked impossible and while I got through it it was uncomfortable and I had to wrap my head around it. I didn’t feel “strong” or bad behind. I felt weak and sloppy but with practice I am hopeful that will change. FEAR is a strong emotion but I know you are STRONG and can overcome it. Glad to read you did. 😉
oh yes I totally feel failure. Actually had a conversation with my trainer about this today. I also need to work on form and not worrying about whether I won’t be able to do something for as many reps as I think. Apparently that’s how you improve 🙂
I like change – I get bored and want something new and am always looking for a new challenge. And I’ve failed so many times at so many things that I don’t fear it much. But a lot of that has come with age…
While I’m OK with change and know that that’s a natural course of life, it’s really the fear of failure and the unknown that holds me back and has paralyzed me in the past. It’s such a strong and intense emotion. You’re definitely not alone!
Thank you so much for this post. I had a rough week, and your sharing has helped me know I’m not alone. Not the only woman who has fears and has to remember daily to rely on God. Have a Blessed Thanksgiving!
1 rep max’s scare me – I have a dreadful fear of getting injured. Sometimes I think I also fear success and do things to sabotage myself. Good job on trying again and facing your fear!
Change isn’t change until you change… It can be fearful and stressful but in the end we come out stronger! Be thankful for supportive friends and that God has given you the desire to change despite how it may feel at the time. And by the way 145 is AWESOME!
I have to take your crown because I AM the queen of excuses. So much so that I don’t exercise at all because I’m so busy, have trouble with my right knee, don’t have any workout clothes, and… well, see I have excuses. Sigh. But, you are inspiring me. I really want to stop making excuses.
I love your mental state in terms of trying new things and getting out of your comfort zone. I tend to be very nervous with change as well.
It’s so important to push yourself past fear. Happy Thanksgiving!
Thanks for your honesty and sharing this truth. I have been working on overcoming this fear of failure in a different area of my life {writing} and have been learning to trust God with his promises rather than giving up. I am also a master of excuses… I needed to read this today!
I’m not good at pushing myself in those instances. I tend to retreat and get scared!
I’ve gotten better over the years of pushing myself past the fear. Not in everything though.
I am a little bit of a perfectionist, and want to know I can do something well before I even try. If I think I won’t be the best, I don’t want to try. It’s a horrible hurdle, but something I’m working to get over.
I’m so not good at pushing myself at doing something (I rarely follow through), but it’s something I’m working on though.
I love everything about this, you have really been encouraging me to get more active.
I’m still working on throwing out the excuses and motivating myself to make change.